Via Columbia Pictures

It’s been a long four years since Elizabeth Gilbert’s travel memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, began its extended stay on bestseller lists around the world. Now, after much anticipation, the film adaptation has arrived. But will the bestseller spawn a blockbuster? World Hum Travel Movie Clubbers Eva Holland and Eli Ellison set aside their half-eaten pasta dishes, rolled up their yoga mats and pedaled their Balinese bicycles to their neighborhood theaters to find out.

To: Eva
From: Eli
Subject: Nervous breakdown

Yesterday I hit rock bottom. While folding my girlfriend’s panties I realized the sad old laundromat is a welcome escape from the daily flood of phone calls from debt collectors and frantic “When can I expect this?” emails from my editor. My romantic relationship? It’s fine, so she tells me. But my pet cat does have tapeworms. And my car’s “Check Engine” light just went on, again.

You see, I’m as whiny, privileged and self-centered as Julia Roberts’ rendition of Elizabeth Gilbert. Never has a man been more ready to weep over travel treacle. Did I cry? Affirmative. A big crocodile tear rolled down my cheek during one scene, though I’ll deny that in court. As for the other two-plus hours of self-discovery prattle, they were mostly pure torture. 

Having not read the book, I can only speak of the mess on screen, which often felt rushed. You read that right. If EPL had taken time to develop some kind of connection between Liz and the other come-and-go characters (especially in Italy), I’d have gladly sat through three hours.

As is, one of the few times EPL felt genuine was during the brief scenes between Liz and Tulsi (Rushita Singh), a 17-year-old girl she befriends at an ashram in India. After the girl’s arranged Indian wedding, they share a scene in which Liz devotes her recital of the Guru Gita to Tulsi. ‘Twas this that brought said tear to my eye. Sure, it’s designed to do that. But I’m a sucker for mush when it works. Not five minutes later, the searching-for-redemption “Richard from Texas” character (Richard Jenkins) blubbers through a confessional so affected and so clearly intended to trigger tears, I ceased to care. I sat back and shifted into full escapism mode.

As cinematic travel porn, it doesn’t get much better. Italy is like I remember it: Roman ruins, busy cafes and beautiful chaos. I’ve not visited India, but when the time comes I’m going on a God quest in an “air-conditioned meditation cave” just like Liz. Bali, near the top of my see-before-I-die list, looks fab. However, by the third act all I wanted was some high-def SCUBA footage of tropical fish, and for Liz to shaddup already.

I know you’re a rom-com sap. And I know you liked the book, but come on, you can’t tell me this is worth 10 bucks and two ass-numbing hours.

To: Eli
From: Eva
Subject: Eating popcorn and praying for the end

I’d like to disagree with you, Eli—because I loved the book, because I had medium-to-high hopes for the film, and, if nothing else, because a little conflict would make for a better movie club. But dammit if that two-point-five hours didn’t feel more like seven. Put bluntly: I was bored out of my tree.

You mentioned that the flick felt rushed; you’re dead on. There was a lot of ground to cover here, both physical and emotional, and all too often the effort to jam it all in resulted in choppy story-telling and, as you say, a superficial array of secondary characters. The result: I had serious trouble getting invested in the action. Why was Liz so unhappy in her marriage at the outset? Why was David, the young beau who swept in post-separation, so infatuated with our broken-down heroine? Why did those handsome, multilingual, thoughtful Italian men seem content to spend their days explaining their language and their country to a melancholy foreign woman?

I never got my answers, and I didn’t much care: I just wanted all the eating, praying and loving to end.

Let’s talk positives briefly. You’re right: The travel side of things was fantastic. I may not have cried on cue (unlike some supposedly-jaded critics I know) but the Italian scenes elicited numerous stomach grumbles, and I thought some of the movie’s lighter, funnier moments—Liz’s early, rapid-fire exchanges with Richard from Texas, for instance, or the snappy dialogue from stalwart friend Delia—were well written and well paced. Flavors of the month Steven, David and Felipe (played by Billy Crudup, James Franco and Javier Bardem) were welcome human additions to the geographical eye candy. But was it worth it? Unequivocally, no. Consider me officially disappointed with the travel movie event of the summer.

To: Eva
From: Eli
Subject: Chick power

Why was David so head over heels for Liz? Unlike me, he really seemed to enjoy folding his girlfriend’s delicates. Why was Liz unhappy in marriage? Its institutional trappings have deadened her soul and she owes herself independence. Come on, Eva, you’re supposed to be lapping up this chick power stuff.

Be honest. You loved the book? I read a few sample pages on Amazon. It’s well written, I suppose. But in the first chapter it’s already apparent her journey is too premeditated, too neat. The movie felt this way as well. Pretend the book didn’t exist and it’s easy to picture the Hollywood pitch meeting: “Julia Roberts finds herself in Italy, India and Indonesia. We get three hunks to go along with the three I’s, and BOOM, summer vacation box office gold, baby!” 

EPL grossed a healthy $23.7 million in the US this weekend, but I think once the bad word of mouth gets out, this picture’s sunk. Not even the travelogue aspect can save this bore. Sure, it’s pretty to look at, but I can O.D. on glistening plates of pasta and aerial shots of the Colosseum watching Food Network and Travel Channel.

Before I go reclaim my manhood by watching some football, I pose a final question. I remember reading a scathing review of that other summer travel chick flick, “Sex and the City 2,” which said the movie was self-indulgent, unfunny and glorified “hedonism as the new feminism.” Don’t you think the same could be said about EPL?

To: Eli
From: Eva
Subject: People and places

“Hedonism as the new feminism”? Sure, I can see that. After all, we’re talking about a movie that presents multi-course Italian liquid lunches and subsequent new-fat-pants shopping sprees as rebellious push-back against modern-day beauty standards for women. Nothing a credit card can’t solve, right?

But here’s my real issue: It’s been said many a time, that a great travel story often rests on the shoulders of its characters. Or, put differently: The people make the place. And yeah, I did enjoy the book—in large part, I think, not because I have any desire to set out on a year-long spiritual journey of my own, but because the people in it felt real to me. And, as we both agreed above, that fullness of character just didn’t translate to the big screen. So you can cobble together an army of arty shots of fresh Roman asparagus and sad, lingering shots of dusty Indian children and you can place your actors in front of a thousand perfect Balinese sunsets—and director Ryan Murphy pulled out all the stops on that front—but if I don’t care about the people, I’m not going to care about their journey. End of story.

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When it comes to travel tips, there is a list for just about everything. Best this. Best that. Worst this and worst that. And more and more lists and tips are popping up devoted strictly to technologic travel gizmos - phones, netbooks, apps, games - but sometimes you need plain old-fashioned travel tips. With the fall and holiday travel season flying into full mode soon, try these few tips for passport perfect smooth sailing.

The number one rule of travel is to ditch the heavy suitcase. Unless you're riding at the front of the plane in those bigger, nicer seats that allow 70 pounds per bag, then you're in last class where I sit and where we're allowed only a miserly 50 pounds per bag.

First thing you should do is weigh your suitcase, as you may be surprised at how heavy it weighs. I bought a stylish set several years ago, but was astonished when I realized the largest piece, the one I travel with the most, was a hefty 15 pounds. After deducting the 30 pounds or so for my super-duper high maintenance beauty and hair products, only 5 pounds were left for clothes and shoes. No, ma'am, that wouldn't do at all.

After much shopping around and research, I traded in the Model-T behemoth for the snazzier and affordable Sausalito Superlights collection from Ricardo of Beverly Hills (www.RicardoBeverlyHills.com). Named to National Geographic's Ten Best of Everything, the Ricardo brand carries extremely lightweight luggage. The Sausalito Superlights is expandable and has a four-wheel spinner, and best of all the biggest 28-inch upright weighs less than 10 pounds, ideal for high-maintenance heavyweights like me.

Always travel with an alarm clock and flashlight. Since I don't own a watch, I've had a small battery-powered Timex Indiglo (www.TimexAudio.com) travel alarm clock for years that I bought on sale for a mere $5. Not all hotels have clocks, especially those overseas, and wake-up calls can be unpredictable. Plus, I can't count the number of times I've been in hotel power outages and have been grateful for my tiny travel flashlight. Now the Indiglo comes with a built-in flashlight, so for less than $20, you get both in one convenient battery-operated package. Without the extra weight of a separate flashlight, you can score yet another pound for more makeup if you're a lady or Adam Lambert.

Too many times I've heard horror stories about liquids exploding in luggage. One friend related how a bottle of olive oil that she was bringing back from Italy burst open in her suitcase and ruined everything. For another friend, it was wine. A bottle of shampoo exploded in my carryon and the gooey mess actually dripped out of the overhead bin and onto my head. So, then, after that fiasco I learned to stuff plastic storage and grocery bags into the suitcase. Anything that can leak or spill, like shampoo or olive oil, goes into the bags. But you can use them for any number of things, including storing wet clothes, dirty socks, and other unmentionables.

An all-purpose small first-aid kit is good, too. Pack it with aspirin, bandages, sinus medicine, anti-itch cream, antibiotic ointment, and insect repellant. At least you'll be prepared in case you're attacked by a swarm of hungry mosquitoes, a grumpy orangutan, or if you fly, a cranky seatmate who apparently has yet to have his morning coffee. If you're going into a foreign country, like Kenya, Mexico, or Newark and accidentally drink the water, an anti-diarrhea medicine can spare you much anguish and embarrassment caused by nasty water parasites.

Other items I put inside my checked luggage include a copy of my passport just in case I'm bopped on the head and my purse is stolen, a collapsible corkscrew when a bottle of wine is appropriate, and a sewing kit complete with safety pins because buttons pop off, seams rip, and sweaters unravel - and that's just in a Lady Gaga video.

My purse is filled with packets of tissues, a Tide Stick, Shout wipes, and Wet Ones single use antibacterial wipes. Some smaller airports don't have jetways, which means running for the plane in rain, so it's a good idea to carry a small collapsible umbrella and rain poncho.

You're more likely to spot George Clooney than a washcloth in a European hotel. Take one or two with you, and if it's not dry by checkout time, stuff it into one of those handy plastic grocery-store bags you've brought along. Also pack a small roll of duct tape. Luggage handles and zippers break, and duct tape is a quick fix. And if you wear glasses, an eyeglasses repair kit is an essential item. Keep an older pair in your luggage in case of major breakage.

Ladies and Adam Lambert, this paragraph is just for you. Throw in a couple of pashminas, wraps, or scarves. They weigh practically nothing and can jazz up an outfit from casual to classy in two seconds flat. For those bad hair days, either a baseball cap or a soft collapsible hat works wonders to hide unmanageable locks.

If you travel overseas and become sick because of those parasites, get bitten by cobra, or trampled by an elephant, your health insurance probably won't cover those costs. That's why you need travel insurance. There are several excellent companies like TravelEx and On Call International.

Here's the rundown of the invaluable coverage you can get for just a couple of hundred dollars. On Call International (www.OnCallInternational.com), for example, helps travelers and their families, including missionaries, students, faculty and others, more than 50 miles away from home in emergency situations. Their Global Response Center is available anytime, day or night, from anywhere in the world. Depending on your plan, they help with emergency medical services and evacuation, lost or stolen document, translation services, and lost luggage. Additionally, On Call International has a 24/7 nurse helpline staffed by U.S.-licensed nurses to provide medical advice.

One last thing. If you're traveling to a Third World country where poverty abounds, take older clothes that you can leave behind. Believe me, they will go to good use. I once left a pair of shoes at a hotel in Uganda because I had accidentally stepped in rhino poo at a wildlife sanctuary. When I checked out of the hotel, I saw a young man taking them out of the trash and smiling as if he had stumbled upon a million dollars. When I started to protest that they were practically worthless, I was assured by the hotel clerk that someone desperately needed those ratty, smelly shoes and wouldn't have to go barefoot any longer. That takes the adage of someone's trash is someone's treasure to an entirely new level.

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Throughout the Caribbean, there are countless “all-inclusive” resorts, but many of them very broadly define the phrase, which makes it difficult to budget for a trip when you anticipate being hit with lots of hidden charges and up-sells once you arrive.

Thankfully, this is never the case at St. Lucia’s gorgeous Coconut Bay Beach Resort & Spa. Here, all-inclusive really means just that: All meals and beverages, land and water-based activities, fitness classes, airport ground transfers, evening entertainment, gratuities, and camp-like activities for kids and teens are all part of the bottom-line price.

It is located along St. Lucia’s south coast, right on the ocean–a low-rise resort complex with 254 guestrooms and suites that offer extremely clean, comfortable, spacious and modern amenities. Each room is air-conditioned, equipped with satellite TV, oversize bathrooms, a fully stocked mini bar and a mini-fridge, plus high-speed Internet access. However, what you’ll remember most about the rooms is the oceanfront view that the majority of them offer.

Right on the property, and included in the price, are several rather elegant full-service restaurants. For example, there’s Silk, which serves gourmet Asian cuisine, as well as Bellagio, which offers fine Italian cuisine. If you’re looking for something less formal, the resort offers a traditional buffet-style dining experience, plus several poolside cafes and snack bars.

Regardless of where you dine, however, the food is top-quality, tasty and plentiful, and with the exception of premium liqueur, all alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages are included and readily available–day or night.

When it comes to on-property activities, there’s a gorgeous, virtually private beach, and several extremely large swimming pools. For kids and teens, there’s also a full water park featuring multiple water slides, as well as a staffed kids club which offers organized, camp-like activities.

At the fitness center, which is open to all guests, there’s a full workout facility, plus fitness and yoga classes are offered on an ongoing basis. There’s also a tennis center (which includes four courts), plus two full-size basketball courts. Every evening, the resort hosts live entertainment and theme nights.

While not included in the all-inclusive rate, the resort is home to the Kai Mer Spa–a lavish full-service and world-class day spa, where you can experience a full menu of massages, body treatments and facials. Special packages are offered to couples, plus specialized treatments are available for teens, as well as for mothers and daughters.

Since it’s located right on the ocean, a wide range of water-based activities are offered at Coconut Bay Beach Resort & Spa. In fact, it’s here that the independently operated, award-winning 2Elements Kitesurfing and Windsurfing School is located. This is one of the very few places in the world that offers certified kitesurfing instruction. The 10 hour kitesurfing program is taught over a five day period, and concludes with participants receiving an International Kiteboarding Organization (IKO) certification card. If you participate in this program, you will be an accomplished kite surfer at the end.

What’s really nice about this resort is that it regularly hosts destination weddings, honeymoons and romantic getaways for couples, and has an entire cluster of buildings (and a separate swimming pool) dedicated solely to adult guests. However, the resort also has separate accommodations specifically for families traveling with kids and teens, located on the opposite side of the complex.

While it’s easy to spend an entire week at Coconut Bay Beach Resort & Spa and never leave the property, if you do opt to go sightseeing or want to experience local activities and attractions, you have plenty of affordable options–from guided island tours to snorkeling or scuba diving excursions.

There are also rainforests and botanical gardens to explore, plus zip-lining, bicycle tours, and a nice selection of duty-free shopping opportunities. The resort’s Activities Desk can help you schedule tours and off-site activities, coordinate a rental car, or schedule taxi service to anywhere on the island.

So, whether you’re planning a destination wedding, a honeymoon, a romantic getaway for you and a loved one, or a tropical family vacation you won’t soon forget, there are few prettier places to stay in St. Lucia than the Coconut Bay Beach Resort & Spa. You’ll also be pleasantly surprised by the top-notch, extremely friendly service that’ll make you feel well cared for throughout your stay.

Depending on the season, all-inclusive rates range from $310.00 to $650.00 per person, per night (based on double occupancy). December 21st through April 9th is the resort’s peak season. Special rates are available for family suites with connecting rooms. If you visit the resort’s website, you’ll find discounted packages and money-saving promotions offered throughout the year.

Coconut Bay Beach Resort & Spa

Vieux Fort, St. Lucia

(866) 978-6226 (Toll-free from the U.S.)

(758) 459-6000 (Direct Number)

www.cbayresort.com

As we enjoy the last of blissful sunny days, cookouts, and playing in the sand, we want you to share a photo of your Favorite Beach Vacation with us. You might win a free $250 (USD) Visa gift card which you can use for any upcoming travel plans you might have. Click here to learn how to enter.

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